obviously I am deep because I am looking right into the soul of a mountain. duh.
I am not good at a lot of things…okay most things. Willpower? Yeah, maybe one day. First Aid? If it’s beyond the help of a bandaid, I shouldn’t be allowed near any humans, plus lots of blood is a little too much for me. Politics? Yeah, I don’t get it. Just let people be people (although…is that politics?). Or aliens. They can be aliens too. I’m cool with that.
I’ve always just tried to be honest. That’s my one saving grace. I suck at lying, so being truthful was/is always my answer. Ask any friend of mine and I can almost guarantee they can tell you of a time or two when my advice was: Just tell them the truth.
In relationships, I’ve always been quick to say how I felt. My past was NEVER a mystery. Why make it that way? The future is already about as predictable as the candidates running for office (seriously, who thought one day Trump would take a whack at running?). So I always figured it was better to just lay it all out on the table and kind of let things fall into place. I felt that if someone couldn’t be okay with me, past and present me, then they didn’t deserve a future with me. I am who I am. I am not going to be anyone else, so why bother pretending to be someone else? I am strange, loud (annoyingly so), love dogs, find comfort when my playlist matches perfectly with my mood, and like to poke people in the cheek while they sleep (yeah, that’s a little weird). I sleepwalk and get embarrassed when I realize I’m doing something weird in the midst of my drowsy adventure (woke up once with a spatula in my hand…yeah, I don’t get it either). But I am happy with who I am. And I really, REALLY think we all should be.
We’re all a little weird. And we should be super proud for our own personal weirdness. It’s pretty awesome to be quirky. It’s one of my favorite things about people. Watching my daughter grow weirder and weirder every day is super awesome. She’s the most bizarre person ever, although with us as her parents, I’m not entirely surprised. I look forward to watching her make friends…I think about that a lot. Friendships are SO important. They say a lot about the kind of person you are. The kind of people you choose to keep in your life says so much about you. I hope she learns to accept the weird in people. To be friends with people of all walks of life. I hope she has a friend that’s weirder than her and a friend who is SUPER normal in every way. I hope she gets really involved in a club/sport/art/whatever that makes her feel alive and helps her grow and find her passions. I hope she’s happy. That’s the main goal: happiness.
Sorry, I do this…I deter from what I was going to write about, and go off on a really strange tangent about my daughter’s future. It happens.
Anyway, the truth is…I mess up a lot. I swear when I shouldn’t. I get agitated easily. And I am SO stubborn.
But I think we all have those things, the things that make us human and relatable. No one likes to hang out with someone who is practically perfect in every way, because unless you are THE Mary Poppins, go away. Perfection is lame. And more importantly it’s unattainable. You will never be perfect. At anything. Ever. You may be awesome at something and get a scholarship for being awesome to go to an awesome college, but guess what: that doesn’t make you perfect. You could have beautifully shaped eyes with a slim figure and never have to diet – doesn’t make you prefect. You may get your dream job right out of college and NEVER struggle with money, but that doesn’t make you perfect. Perfection is something on the highest shelf of life that sits gathering dust, yet from the ground it looks shiny somehow. We are not perfect and that in itself is AWESOME. I’d rather be imperfect and okay with my lack of perfection, than ever try to be perfect. I’m okay with failure and struggles. I’m okay with me. I don’t need to be perfect. To attempt to be so, is just a sad life.
Now for anyone who is still reading at this point, what I am trying to get at here, is that imperfect is awesome. Please don’t waste your time and energy on perfection. And if you don’t believe me – watch Black Swan. If that ain’t someone losing their s*** trying to be perfect, I don’t know what is.
This leads me to my next point (btw, you are a trooper for still reading my midnight ramblings), why do we care so much if someone is different from us, or God forbid has a different point of view than ours?? Please, tell me how this matters. People are people. Stop judging from the step-stool of life you think you are on, and just get that. For goodness sake, it’s ridiculous that people are still being told that they are less of a person for ANYTHING. Not one single person on this planet has a right to cast any stones onto another. We’ve all messed up. We’ve all stumbled. We are people. Not you, not me, not them, US. Again I say, People are people. Unless they are aliens, then they are simply aliens.
Some quick facts for you (here is my honesty showing again): I am white with some Cuban blood thrown into the mix (although the last time someone thought I was Hispanic was pretty much never). I got pregnant after four months of dating my (now) husband; our daughter was born approximately one year and one day after we started dating officially. I am okay with that. My daughter will never EVER hear or see me be ashamed of that tidbit. It is, what it is. She will however hear me to tell her to wait until she’s ready. Not when they are, but when SHE is. I’m not about to jump on the back of pick-up truck and preach unplanned pregnancies, because the truth is, my husband and I got REALLY lucky. Really lucky? But how you ask…because I loved him and I knew he was my person. And having life turn unexpectedly for us only proved this to me further. The day our daughter was born, I learned just how big love can be, and I am sure when we decide to have more children I will learn this all over again.
Now another quick sub-note: just because it works for you, does NOT mean it works for someone else. We are all different, all people, but different. We have different opinions and ideals and standards. So if someone chooses to think differently than you, does not mean you have the right to object to them as a person. Although, as I write that I realize I am being semi-contradictory, so let me back up here. We are all entitled to our opinions. That is your right. But, that does not mean that you have been given the flag of power and now can judge and stone people to death because they think differently than you. My example: I wanted kids. I always wanted kids. I always knew the title of mom would happen in my life. Whether biologically or not, I would be a mother. It was the one thing I was always sure of. BUT that does not mean that every single woman on the face of this planet wanted the exact same thing as me. There are plenty of women who also inhibit this lovely little planet who have no desire to pro-create. And that is one hundred and ten percent okay. That gets another ten percent because I am writing this at midnight and I am stressing a point. BOOM. Kids are a LOT to handle. I have one and sometimes I feel like I suck at it. I have one, that’s it. I know a woman who has five and I feel like she could parent successfully with her eyes closed and make dinner at the same time. She’s clearly a superhuman (…or alien). Anywho, I am getting off track, the choice to have children should not be taken lightly. It is a very hard job to be a parent, so if someone decides that they would rather pass, who cares? That’s awesome that they have come to that conclusion for themselves. It should be respected, that’s fine if you don’t understand, but you shouldn’t judge what you do not know. I feel like I should change this piece to: DO NOT JUDGE. Just don’t. It does no good.
Anyway, to all woman who have made the decision not to have little humans: I am happy you are happy. I am happy that you know what is in your heart. And that parenting is not what you are about. You are wonderful beings and the end. No need to discuss this further (if I had a mic, it’d drop).
So back to my little tidbits: I am terrified by change, but crave it. I am just a walking contradiction, I would have been perfect for that Starburst commercial…
I have mini-panic attacks whenever a big change is coming. You should have seen me when I went into labor, I was so ready to deliver, because hello forty-weeks?? Are you kidding me? But I kept telling myself I wasn’t really in labor, took me about four or so hours to finally convince myself it was time.
This move to nearly the other side of the country was necessary for us, but one of the single most terrifying experiences of my life. My husband and I both cried the whole way out of Florida, which was perfectly fitting because it was storming the day we moved. It was such a nutty experience to say goodbye to familiar and comfort and just jump into a new life. HOWEVER, one of the best decisions we have ever made. We’ve only been together for three years and in those three years it has been the most chaotic years of my life. So many ups and downs and SURPRISE at every turn. For us, it totally worked. We learned really quickly how to work together to find solutions and luckily we agree on 90% of everything so that made the decision processes a lot easier. We’ve grown so much together that the idea of marriage never scared me. It just seemed like the next awesome new step in our adventure of life. For my single friends, I will say this about my tiny-bit of experience with marriage, it’s awesome to have a partner. He’s my go-to for everything and it’s so, SO wonderful to know I can rely on him. I love that. That’s my favorite so far about marriage. So far no complaints, however we’ve only been married for eight months, and I’ve heard and read rumors about the seven-year itch, so apparently just give us time. I’m partially kidding, but I also like to not live in a bubble of silliness in which I think things will never change. Because they will. Life will get hard some days, months, or even years. And sometimes we won’t click on something or get the others point of view. I see this happing especially when we hit the teenage years of our daughter’s life. We’ve mildly discussed teenage Annie, and although we both fear/shudder at the thought of the saucy-ness of teenagers, I know we will disagree on certain aspects of discipling and dating and all that fun stuff. Among other life obstacles that I am sure will arise. So I guess on that topic, stay tuned.
Also, for my single friends: ENJOY IT. Being single does not last forever, unless you want it to, which is also perfectly fine. But, being single is typically not forever. You must enjoy it, because the second you find your person, whomever they may be, you can’t go back. Unless you hire a lawyer and do a TON of paperwork (divorce ain’t cheap or easy…at least from what I’ve heard). So do not waste your single-hood moping from one day to another. Be you. Get to know you. Seriously. I loved being single, yes, there were some nights when I was binge watching Friends or How I Met Your Mother and I yearned for my future Chandler or Marshall. But I loved it. I got to be silly and make mistakes. I got to learn about life and about who I am. And I got to dream about who my person might be (little did I know I had already met him). It’s fun and super exciting. So, please, PLEASE do yourself a favor, do not waste this chapter of your life. Embrace it. Love it. And more importantly LIVE IT.
This concludes the midnight ramblings of yours truly. For those of you who stuck through this, congratulations, you read the inner thoughts of my brain. And for those of you who skimmed this…aliens. haha, you probably think all my ramblings are about aliens. Yep, sure was. Good night folks.